Reprobait’s 12 Stages of Christmas
Tis the season to spend and indulge… here are 12 ways we do it.
1. Seeing the John Lewis advert on TV and officially declaring it Christmas season and therefore time to get the Christmas decorations down from the loft and tacky jumpers at the ready.
2. Convincing yourself you will be organised with presents this year and setting an unrealistic (slightly scrimp) budget per person worthy of receiving a gift.
3. Attending the overly anticipated work Christmas-Do while trying to look as sober as possible to avoid being ‘that pisshead’ and remaining the talk of the office for the next year.
4. Avoiding going to the gym at every possible time, since it’s ‘Christmas season’ and if you can’t put on a few pounds during the holidays, when can you?
5. Returning back to your childhood home and feeling like a kid again with your old room and habits.
6. Being the first person to wake up and gradually making more and more noise to let every one else know they should probably get up too.
7. Trying to force a smile as you receive another pair of slippers whilst slowly dying inside because another year has passed and still no iPad.
8. Endless phone calls with relatives you seem to only speak to during this time of the year to catch up with everything.
9. That mammoth meal the whole family’s been looking forward to all year. Spending the first 10 minutes of the meal taking photos of the food. Photos of yourself with the food. Photos with relatives around the food. Photos of yourself and relatives around the food…
10. Post dinner TV/ family bonding time. Cue the drinking and arguing, reminding everyone why the whole family only reunites for Christmas.
11. Having a moment’s silence for the poor sods that have to work and vowing to consume enough food and booze on their behalf.
12. Dying a little inside when realising you have to leave your food/alcohol induced state as Christmas is officially over, but the thought of boxing day, New Years and January sales makes it a tiny bit better.